Pimiento Cheese, Barbecue, Lobster Raviolis and AMAZING GRACE
March 10, 2009
Recipe Testers,
We ignored our pre-made plan and I went to the funeral with Jason. Logic and practicality work on paper when you are making plans, but then reality happens and intuition and emotion far outweigh logic and practicality. My mom came and watched the girls.
Jason spoke very well. I cried for him as he spoke because the words were so hard to say. But after some painful pauses he finished and gave a beautiful tribute. There were 20 people at the funeral, plus 8 church members who help with all the funerals. Without going into long detail, this will kind of sum up the fighting and challenges in the family: There were two memorials. The first at 11:00 and other at 3:00. Jason’s biological grandmother is bi-polar and her moods and emotions contribute to the further understanding of Judy and the problems she faced. We all have to cope with a few curve balls in our lives that affect everyone. The grandmother has a disease and a weakness she cannot help and I’m certain she never intentionally planned to hurt her daughter. Jason’s only purpose in this entire memorial was to make everyone happy. He tried to choose a time to accommodate the variety of schedules including considering the minister’s schedule. But when someone has a mental illness, making everyone happy is pretty much impossible. The minister was wonderful and was such a huge comfort to Jason and said “I’ve known your grandmother a long time.” With those simple words came an enormous volume of understanding. And he said, “If it’s alright with you, I think we’re just going to have to have two services.” The 8 church members went to both of them, including the woman who sang the beautiful hymns at both services who also said to us with complete understanding “We all know your grandmother.” It was such a kindness that these people from the church just smoothed everything over and went forward like having two services was completely normal. Truly, it was so kind and generous of them.
There was a woman from the church named Sunshine Spivey. When the minister first called on Sunshine to come and speak, I thought it was her nickname. But Sunshine is her real name. And she came up and spoke and said something true and sweet about Judy. It’s important to say true things. When you say things that are insincere just to say them, they have no meaning. But Sunshine spoke sweetly and honestly. I adored this woman for her kindness and compassion. She fit her name.
After the memorial we went into the reception hall and the ladies from the church had made punch, pimiento cheese sandwiches and cookies. The pimento cheese sandwiches are comfort food in the South for those of you who haven’t heard of them. And this was homemade pimiento cheese. Someone had grated the cheese by hand and made the mixture and had handmade all the sandwiches. Someone else bought cookies from the store and someone else made oatmeal cookies. The oatmeal cookies that were homemade didn’t look particularly appealing, but when you tasted them they were wonderful. I’ll take taste over looks any day of the week.
I wrote in an earlier e-mail how food is interwoven through all of our lives. It is part of birth and death, weddings, birthdays and celebrations. It is the common part of our daily lives and part of moments we will never forget. So if you think it is odd that I’m writing about food and a funeral at the same time, it is because I see life through “food-colored glasses” instead of “rose-colored glasses.” It is all interlaced for me. And food is comforting in times of sorrow. It is a way of being in communion with the other people who are feeling similarly to you.
After the memorial service Jason wanted to eat somewhere local. He didn’t want to go to a chain restaurant. So we went with some of the relatives to look for a place to eat. We drove up to this building that must have formerly been a small bank in the 1960’s. Nothing had been done to change the outside of the bank. The drive-through teller lanes were still there and it looked like the only outside remodeling that had been done was to hang up a sign that said Valentino’s Italian Café. In fact, from the outside appearance I would have thought it was an empty building. The only give-away that it was open was that there were cars outside.
So we walked in and it smelled wonderful. Two ladies from the church were there. I could see big pots on the stove. Someone was definitely making something from scratch. It looked like a pizza place, but when we got the menu they had veal and lobster and some terrific choices. So I ordered the Lobster Ravioli. Texas is known for their seafood in Houston and Dallas, specifically the incredible fried oysters, but Jason wasn’t so sure about lobster in Kerrville. I thought I’d take a gamble because I could see the kitchen from where I sat and everything coming up in the window looked great. Jason ordered the veal piccata, I ordered the lobster raviolis, his dad had the baked ziti, the other relatives ordered calzone’s, lasagna, and pizza. The restaurant had great bread and rolls and salad with fresh tomato vinaigrette. The lobster raviolis came out and it was indeed lobster in them and it was real lobster sauce. The lobster sauce had a lot of clams in it, but I love clams and thought they added to the sauce. (I know clams are a cheap substitute instead of putting the lobster meat in the sauce, but truly the clams in it were delicious.) So D- on appearance, but a solid B+ on the food. Again, the cliché “you can’t always judge a book by its cover” rings true again. We thought of Judy and talked about family and life as we ate together and visited in a local restaurant from her town.
Then I don’t know if I should write the next part because it might not sound right in writing. It may be better to explain verbally, but I’m going to try my best. You know how laughing and crying are related to each other? For instance when you laugh so hard sometimes you start crying. Or the opposite of if you cry so hard that and are so emotional that almost anything can make you laugh? So this is one of those times. Not really something to laugh at, but it was such an emotional day that it unintentionally ended up being funny. We had Judy’s ashes with us the whole time we were in Texas. It wasn’t uncomfortable. It did seem surreal at times, but at other times it seemed nice that she was with us. In fact, the aunt took Judy’s ashes with her to the yard-sales because she said Judy loved yard sales. So it wasn’t awkward, just not the kind of thing you commonly carry around with you in the car. We had the box of ashes propped up in the trunk so they wouldn’t fall. But then we went to the hotel and took our suitcases out and went to go through all the paperwork in the hotel room. (A sweet thing I will mention at this point was that when we were going through all the paperwork it turned out she had saved every card Jason had ever written to her.) So after all the paperwork we got in the car and forgot temporarily that Judy’s ashes were in the trunk. We were driving to dinner and turned a corner and we heard this big thud. And both of us looked at each other and thought the ashes had just fallen over and spilled all over the trunk. So Jason pulled over and checked and fortunately the ashes were still in the box with the lid on and it was the computer that had fallen over. We were relieved, but after we knew they didn’t actually spill, it was funny in that sad/happy emotional way.
We went down to San Antonio and ate dinner on the River Walk. We ate fabulous Texas barbecue and had a loaf of freshly baked bread with honey butter, brisket, ribs, beans, the works. It was just Jason and I. Then we walked along the River Walk after dinner and talked about Judy and the ups and downs of her life and again kept saying how we were glad that she found peace and happiness at the end.
So to honor the kind and giving women of the church and to honor Judy, I’m including a recipe for Pimento Cheese. I wasn’t able to get the homemade version of the recipe from the church, but from tasting it, I think it is very similar to this one from my favorite Southern Chef, Frank Stitt. You can eat it on saltine crackers or you can make sandwiches.
Miss Verba’s Pimiento Cheese
Whenever Verba has the urge, she will make a huge bowl of the best pimiento cheese you have ever tasted. Little drugstore lunch counters throughout the South inevitably include pimiento cheese sandwiches on their menus as an economical option. But the cheese is usually the commercially prepared variety, of indifferent quality. Making your own, as Verba does, with lots of charred roasted peppers, gives the spread a whole new life. It is perfect for a light sandwich or as a down-home dip for crudités and crackers.
1 pound sharp yellow cheddar
1/4 pound cream cheese, softened
1 teaspoon freshly ground pepper
3 large bell peppers, roasted, peeled, seeded and chopped
1/2 cup mayonnaise
1 teaspoon sugar
Splash of hot sauce, such as Tabasco or Cholula
1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper (optional)
Grate the cheddar cheese in a food processor fitted with the grating disk or grate with a hand grater. Transfer the grated cheese to a bowl, add the cream cheese, pepper, bell peppers, mayonnaise, sugar, hot sauce and cayenne. Blend all together thoroughly. Refrigerate and serve chilled. (This spread will keep for several days in the refrigerator, but it usually disappears long before that.)
Frank Stitt’s Southern Table, pg. 32.
I’ll end with the hymn that Judy chose for the memorial that truly fits her and her life.
And amazing grace, peace and understanding to all of you. Maili
"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,That saved a wretch like me....I once was lost but now am found,Was blind, but now, I see.T'was Grace that taught...my heart to fear.And Grace, my fears relieved.How precious did that Grace appear...the hour I first believed.Through many dangers, toils and snares...we have already come.T'was Grace that brought us safe thus far...and Grace will lead us home.
The Lord has promised good to me...His word my hope secures.He will my shield and portion be...as long as life endures.When we've been here ten thousand years...bright shining as the sun.We've no less days to sing God's praise...then when we've first begun."Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, That saved a wretch like me....I once was lost but now am found,Was blind, but now, I see."
March 16, 2009 Recipe Testing email sent out after the above two emails were sent.
Recipe Testers,
I just had to pass this on. I don’t believe I even mentioned the name of the church where the funeral was in Kerrville. So you can imagine how truly surprised I was when Linda Ray from Houston did a little sleuthing and send me the recipe. It is pasted below.
Also, a number of you asked for my Vodka Sauce recipe after reading my pantry list. I will earnestly try to test that within the next month because everyone always asks for it. I just make such an enormous batch and then freeze it, that it is hard to break down to a home version. I will at least give you this tip now: Vodka added to any tomato based sauce will improve it. Vodka neutralizes the acid in the tomatoes. Just had a 1/4 of a cup of vodka to any tomato based pasta sauce and it will be great. Traditional vodka sauce has both vodka and cream it in. But Vodka alone is a magic ingredient. I’ll get multiple versions to you later.
Then others of you asked why rosemary was my least favorite herb. In college my landlady, Barbara Keeling (she’s on the recipe testing list and is a fabulous cook!), grew a bunch of herbs in the 4 x 4 yard in front of her brownstone in DC. I lived in the basement apartment: 16 4th Street NE. We were right behind the Supreme Court. I loved it. I walked by the Capitol, Library of Congress, and Folger Shakespeare Library everyday. Anyway, basil, parsley, thyme, etc. were good in the summer. But the only thing that grew really well all year round was the rosemary. I put it in EVERYTHING: Steak, potatoes, bread, chicken, everything! So I burned out on it and now have an aversion to it in food. Although, I don’t mind smelling it in the yard or in soap or anything like that. I just don’t like it with food, except in the rarest of cases. And one of my biggest restaurant pet peeves is when someone puts a giant sprig of rosemary on the steak or chicken. I think garnishes should be edible and enhance what you are eating. They should not be just for decoration. But that is my own personal opinion.
Also, there were enormous responses to the Pimiento Cheese Sandwich e-mail. It struck a chord with so many people including my own mother! I had no idea until I sent it, that Pimiento Cheese Sandwiches were my mom’s favorite sandwiches that my grandmother made when she was little. So I accidentally learned something about my own family. I also didn’t know about the Master’s or the “Southern Pate.” I thought all of you might be interested too, so I asked permission from the people who responded below and they said I could share. I never do this, but in this case I thought I would. I pasted the responses below the recipe.
I’m working on a sausage and apple recipe right now. Quick and easy. I promise to wait at least a week before sending another recipe testing e-mail. When I printed up all the “lost” e-mails that were forwarded back to me, I realized I used to go months without writing. Then with Jeanette I started writing much more frequently. (Please continue to pray for our sweet Jeanette even though she is doing well. She did have a fever and then a staph infection this week, but she should be coming home within a day or two after her most recent chemo treatment is complete.) Temporarily losing my e-mail was the greatest mistake I ever made because I now have them printed all in one giant three ring binder and am so grateful to have them in one place. (I’m also so grateful to the people who save them on their computers if I ever lose this notebook or lose them again!)
Truly not trying to overflow your inboxes by writing again so soon!
With Gratitude,
Maili
PS My neighbors in Atlanta, David and Lizette Evans are also great cooks. Lizette makes the best Green Bean Bundles (wrapped in bacon and drizzled with brown sugar and butter) I would eat half the pan of them! David is a natural cook and cooks everything well. He’s also great at mixing drinks. We often had dinner parties and Lizette would be the hostess for me in my own house just so I could stay in the kitchen and cook. Lizette would answer the door and welcome everyone and David would make all the drinks. They were the best neighbors. David mentioned in the response below reading Gumbo Tales, so I ordered it from Amazon. Lizette is from New Orleans, so the book is especially meaningful to them.
From: Linda Ray
Sent: Monday, March 16, 2009 8:34 AM
To: Maili Halme Brocke
Subject: Surprise!!
Maili,
Since you coveted this recipe, I decided to call and get it for you for a treat!
After all, you share so much with all of us.
I talked with Mr. Young, who is the Banquet Director at the Kerrville First United Methodist Church…very nice man.
He has a catering business and also touted his chicken salad.
But, he makes all of the food for the events at the church.
So, Happy Spring………enjoy!
Linda A. Ray
From: Darrell Young
Sent: Monday, March 16, 2009 10:18 AM
To: Linda Ray
Subject: pimento cheese recipe
Darrell Young’s Pimento Cheese Recipe
Ingredients
2 cup grated sharp cheddar
2 cup grated Monterey Jack
1/2 cup mayonnaise
1/2 salad dressing
2 to 3 tablespoons Smoked red bell pepper diced
1 teaspoon Sautéed onion
Cracked black pepper
Directions:
Using an electric mixer, Add all of the ingredients and beat until well blended. It can be used as a dip for crudités or as a sandwich filling
Then pasted below are a few of the responses that I had permission to share:
Maili
Jason's tribute to his mother was sweet and I'm sure very hard. Carl's situation was so identical. Same thing with Carl's dad he had tons of pictures of us and saved everything we had ever sent him. In fact when Carl and his brother went to close his dad's bank accounts the bank person had a picture of Carl and his brother on this bullentin board of all his clients kids and friends..isn't that funny.. In his dad's mind the boys were this huge part of his life and Carl talked to him maybe twice a year...oh well...cycle of life and its challenges..
The shooter thing is just out there for such a sleepy small community. We didn't know him or any of the victims but just unnerving for my mom. She said you see this on tv happening other places and you have compassion for the people going through it but you really don't think about it much past that until it happens where you live..my mother dreads all the gossip that is going to come from it all...
Love the pimento chesse comment...just so you known we consider it souther pate'...ha!
Love you..Monica
Hi, beautiful! Your story touched and blessed me today – thank you. I’ve been reading Gumbo Tales and your story below is similar to the basis of the book; life, death and how food impacts us if we only pay attention to it. I, too believe, that food binds us as families, a community and as humans. I’ve learned this from my Mother, Grandmother and Aunts. It’s a warming and wonderful feeling to know that regardless of what’s happening in our individual lives, whether turmoil or happiness, whether success or challenges, we can all be brought together over pimiento cheese or a po-boy sandwich.
I love you, Maili, and I love your heart. A friend once told me that “it’s important to say true things”. You are a wonderful mother, wife and friend. God’s blessings on you this day, and always.
David Evans
Maili,
Thanks for the email and update on the funeral.
I wanted to remind you, if you are not aware, of the great pimiento cheese sandwich tradition at the Masters. For the past 75 years, when they hold the Masters golf tournament in Augusta, GA in April, one of the most popular items on the menu for the patrons is the pimiento cheese sandwich. Oblivious to inflation and the times, you can still get a pimiento cheese sandwich for something around a dollar. It is nothing special...two pieces of white bread with a pimiento cheese spread, but as everyone says.....you can't go to the Masters and not have a pimiento cheese sandwich.
Thought you would enjoy this little tidbit of food history.
Scott
Maili,
That just plain old WAS funny! I can see you and Jason turning to look at each other with wide eyes right now!!! I am glad nothing was spilled! Thanks for sharing all, and for the pimento cheese sandwiches! I loved them when I was a little girl, course we just bought pimento cheese spread in a container.. do they even sell that anywhere?
love,
Amy
Maili,
Have you ever considered printing out your letters to save as documentation of your life? What a treasure for your girls and their children to have. These should be compiled and treasured.
K
Thank you for sharing this.
I can see how you grow experience by experience.
You always learn from every experience and you always see both sides and always find a silver lining. Y
ou continue to amaze and to teach me.
Daily.
I could so picture the box of ashes in the trunk.
And it so feeling like a sitcom on tv.
And the humor!
You have memories of circumstances that continue to build a beautiful relationship and strengthening a wonderful marriage.
You are building memories to teach your girls what no one else will ever have even imagined.
Maili-- you are living a very special, amazing and fulfilling life.
But I think that you know it.
Thanks for sharing it all with me/us so that I/we can live it vicariously.
love you
Carol C. Sawyer
All I can say is: I laughed and not because I thought the situation was funny, it was because life is just funny-you said it best, sometimes when you should be crying there comes laughter..... and you know what?? for all the bad stuff I have been through (we shall catch up later) I am proud to say that I can still laugh because sometimes it just makes you feel better and that is okay!
give Jason my best, I hate saying I know how you feel, but I know how he feels...
loss is loss... no matter how much someone was in our everyday lives... it's like old friends-you might not see them or talk to them everyday but you always love them in your hearts, think of them from time to time and will miss them fondly when they are gone.
I will call you tomorrow-hopefully we can chat.
I will definitely try the recipe!
Sue
Thanks, Maili, for the update. I hope you’re saving copies of these emails you send out. They are written reflections on people and crusades important to you, i.e. Jeanette, the library, Jason’s Mom, etc. and would make a wonderful journal to look back on and share with the girls someday.
Blessings and love,
Cheryl
You write so beautifully and clearly, Maili. And your words inspire such vivid scenes in my mind. My mother (being from the South, I guess, although when I was young I didn't know it was a Southern thang) used to make pimiento cheese sandwiches. I have to admit I never did like them much, but she did and lots of her friends did as well. (I never did get a taste for black-eye peas either, but give me her fried chicken any day!)
I'm so glad you all made it through this trip OK. And I loved the ashes story. It reminded me of the Ben Stiller movie where the porcelain jar of ashes got knocked off the fireplace mantle. If we can't laugh about some of life's ironies and mishaps, then it gets too intense. My sister thought this was a little gross, but the funeral home where my father was cremated offered heart necklaces where they place a tiny portion of ashes. I bought one because at that time I just wanted to know a piece of my dad was near me. Then we had to transport his ashes from Sacramento to San Diego to be buried with my mom and it was tricky dealing with the airlines about that. But we made it. I had to open up the container, go inside, and remove the metal strip that was holding the bag together so that it wouldn't set off the TSA alarm.
The thing is people never used to talk about any of this and I think it's much healthier to talk about it because everyone is going to have to go through it at some point.
So thanks for the stories. Keep 'em coming.
Love you,
Christie
Maili,
Don’t worry about not seeing me again. I knew Jason needed you all to himself, and rightly so. This colorful family history does explain some things. How strange it has created closure for the spirit, while at the same time, opening of the eyes. I especially loved your mention of the church ladies. This practice is alive and well in my childhood Presbyterian church today. When my grandmother died in Ft. Payne, AL several years ago, we were served lunch at the church by generous, apron wearing ladies such as these. A bounty of steaming casseroles and mounds of warm rolls followed by fruit salad topped with marshmallows filled the modest table. A decadent selection of homemade pie slices adorned another. The iced sweet tea was homemade too, of course. The ladies were endlessly bustling about fussing with refilling glasses, passing the bread basket or offering a simple story or compliment of my grandmother. This was Southern hospitality at its best. It was simple, humble and deeply sincere. I have been lucky and proud to participate is this ritual several times, never tiring of its warm fellowship. Pimento cheese, tuna salad and egg salad sandwiches will always remind me of the potluck suppers or funeral fare shared in that Presbyterian church.
Keep the stories coming. They are a pleasure to read. You are a gifted writer who speaks from the heart with honesty.
Love,
Kathryn
Recipe Testers,
We ignored our pre-made plan and I went to the funeral with Jason. Logic and practicality work on paper when you are making plans, but then reality happens and intuition and emotion far outweigh logic and practicality. My mom came and watched the girls.
Jason spoke very well. I cried for him as he spoke because the words were so hard to say. But after some painful pauses he finished and gave a beautiful tribute. There were 20 people at the funeral, plus 8 church members who help with all the funerals. Without going into long detail, this will kind of sum up the fighting and challenges in the family: There were two memorials. The first at 11:00 and other at 3:00. Jason’s biological grandmother is bi-polar and her moods and emotions contribute to the further understanding of Judy and the problems she faced. We all have to cope with a few curve balls in our lives that affect everyone. The grandmother has a disease and a weakness she cannot help and I’m certain she never intentionally planned to hurt her daughter. Jason’s only purpose in this entire memorial was to make everyone happy. He tried to choose a time to accommodate the variety of schedules including considering the minister’s schedule. But when someone has a mental illness, making everyone happy is pretty much impossible. The minister was wonderful and was such a huge comfort to Jason and said “I’ve known your grandmother a long time.” With those simple words came an enormous volume of understanding. And he said, “If it’s alright with you, I think we’re just going to have to have two services.” The 8 church members went to both of them, including the woman who sang the beautiful hymns at both services who also said to us with complete understanding “We all know your grandmother.” It was such a kindness that these people from the church just smoothed everything over and went forward like having two services was completely normal. Truly, it was so kind and generous of them.
There was a woman from the church named Sunshine Spivey. When the minister first called on Sunshine to come and speak, I thought it was her nickname. But Sunshine is her real name. And she came up and spoke and said something true and sweet about Judy. It’s important to say true things. When you say things that are insincere just to say them, they have no meaning. But Sunshine spoke sweetly and honestly. I adored this woman for her kindness and compassion. She fit her name.
After the memorial we went into the reception hall and the ladies from the church had made punch, pimiento cheese sandwiches and cookies. The pimento cheese sandwiches are comfort food in the South for those of you who haven’t heard of them. And this was homemade pimiento cheese. Someone had grated the cheese by hand and made the mixture and had handmade all the sandwiches. Someone else bought cookies from the store and someone else made oatmeal cookies. The oatmeal cookies that were homemade didn’t look particularly appealing, but when you tasted them they were wonderful. I’ll take taste over looks any day of the week.
I wrote in an earlier e-mail how food is interwoven through all of our lives. It is part of birth and death, weddings, birthdays and celebrations. It is the common part of our daily lives and part of moments we will never forget. So if you think it is odd that I’m writing about food and a funeral at the same time, it is because I see life through “food-colored glasses” instead of “rose-colored glasses.” It is all interlaced for me. And food is comforting in times of sorrow. It is a way of being in communion with the other people who are feeling similarly to you.
After the memorial service Jason wanted to eat somewhere local. He didn’t want to go to a chain restaurant. So we went with some of the relatives to look for a place to eat. We drove up to this building that must have formerly been a small bank in the 1960’s. Nothing had been done to change the outside of the bank. The drive-through teller lanes were still there and it looked like the only outside remodeling that had been done was to hang up a sign that said Valentino’s Italian Café. In fact, from the outside appearance I would have thought it was an empty building. The only give-away that it was open was that there were cars outside.
So we walked in and it smelled wonderful. Two ladies from the church were there. I could see big pots on the stove. Someone was definitely making something from scratch. It looked like a pizza place, but when we got the menu they had veal and lobster and some terrific choices. So I ordered the Lobster Ravioli. Texas is known for their seafood in Houston and Dallas, specifically the incredible fried oysters, but Jason wasn’t so sure about lobster in Kerrville. I thought I’d take a gamble because I could see the kitchen from where I sat and everything coming up in the window looked great. Jason ordered the veal piccata, I ordered the lobster raviolis, his dad had the baked ziti, the other relatives ordered calzone’s, lasagna, and pizza. The restaurant had great bread and rolls and salad with fresh tomato vinaigrette. The lobster raviolis came out and it was indeed lobster in them and it was real lobster sauce. The lobster sauce had a lot of clams in it, but I love clams and thought they added to the sauce. (I know clams are a cheap substitute instead of putting the lobster meat in the sauce, but truly the clams in it were delicious.) So D- on appearance, but a solid B+ on the food. Again, the cliché “you can’t always judge a book by its cover” rings true again. We thought of Judy and talked about family and life as we ate together and visited in a local restaurant from her town.
Then I don’t know if I should write the next part because it might not sound right in writing. It may be better to explain verbally, but I’m going to try my best. You know how laughing and crying are related to each other? For instance when you laugh so hard sometimes you start crying. Or the opposite of if you cry so hard that and are so emotional that almost anything can make you laugh? So this is one of those times. Not really something to laugh at, but it was such an emotional day that it unintentionally ended up being funny. We had Judy’s ashes with us the whole time we were in Texas. It wasn’t uncomfortable. It did seem surreal at times, but at other times it seemed nice that she was with us. In fact, the aunt took Judy’s ashes with her to the yard-sales because she said Judy loved yard sales. So it wasn’t awkward, just not the kind of thing you commonly carry around with you in the car. We had the box of ashes propped up in the trunk so they wouldn’t fall. But then we went to the hotel and took our suitcases out and went to go through all the paperwork in the hotel room. (A sweet thing I will mention at this point was that when we were going through all the paperwork it turned out she had saved every card Jason had ever written to her.) So after all the paperwork we got in the car and forgot temporarily that Judy’s ashes were in the trunk. We were driving to dinner and turned a corner and we heard this big thud. And both of us looked at each other and thought the ashes had just fallen over and spilled all over the trunk. So Jason pulled over and checked and fortunately the ashes were still in the box with the lid on and it was the computer that had fallen over. We were relieved, but after we knew they didn’t actually spill, it was funny in that sad/happy emotional way.
We went down to San Antonio and ate dinner on the River Walk. We ate fabulous Texas barbecue and had a loaf of freshly baked bread with honey butter, brisket, ribs, beans, the works. It was just Jason and I. Then we walked along the River Walk after dinner and talked about Judy and the ups and downs of her life and again kept saying how we were glad that she found peace and happiness at the end.
So to honor the kind and giving women of the church and to honor Judy, I’m including a recipe for Pimento Cheese. I wasn’t able to get the homemade version of the recipe from the church, but from tasting it, I think it is very similar to this one from my favorite Southern Chef, Frank Stitt. You can eat it on saltine crackers or you can make sandwiches.
Miss Verba’s Pimiento Cheese
Whenever Verba has the urge, she will make a huge bowl of the best pimiento cheese you have ever tasted. Little drugstore lunch counters throughout the South inevitably include pimiento cheese sandwiches on their menus as an economical option. But the cheese is usually the commercially prepared variety, of indifferent quality. Making your own, as Verba does, with lots of charred roasted peppers, gives the spread a whole new life. It is perfect for a light sandwich or as a down-home dip for crudités and crackers.
1 pound sharp yellow cheddar
1/4 pound cream cheese, softened
1 teaspoon freshly ground pepper
3 large bell peppers, roasted, peeled, seeded and chopped
1/2 cup mayonnaise
1 teaspoon sugar
Splash of hot sauce, such as Tabasco or Cholula
1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper (optional)
Grate the cheddar cheese in a food processor fitted with the grating disk or grate with a hand grater. Transfer the grated cheese to a bowl, add the cream cheese, pepper, bell peppers, mayonnaise, sugar, hot sauce and cayenne. Blend all together thoroughly. Refrigerate and serve chilled. (This spread will keep for several days in the refrigerator, but it usually disappears long before that.)
Frank Stitt’s Southern Table, pg. 32.
I’ll end with the hymn that Judy chose for the memorial that truly fits her and her life.
And amazing grace, peace and understanding to all of you. Maili
"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,That saved a wretch like me....I once was lost but now am found,Was blind, but now, I see.T'was Grace that taught...my heart to fear.And Grace, my fears relieved.How precious did that Grace appear...the hour I first believed.Through many dangers, toils and snares...we have already come.T'was Grace that brought us safe thus far...and Grace will lead us home.
The Lord has promised good to me...His word my hope secures.He will my shield and portion be...as long as life endures.When we've been here ten thousand years...bright shining as the sun.We've no less days to sing God's praise...then when we've first begun."Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, That saved a wretch like me....I once was lost but now am found,Was blind, but now, I see."
March 16, 2009 Recipe Testing email sent out after the above two emails were sent.
Recipe Testers,
I just had to pass this on. I don’t believe I even mentioned the name of the church where the funeral was in Kerrville. So you can imagine how truly surprised I was when Linda Ray from Houston did a little sleuthing and send me the recipe. It is pasted below.
Also, a number of you asked for my Vodka Sauce recipe after reading my pantry list. I will earnestly try to test that within the next month because everyone always asks for it. I just make such an enormous batch and then freeze it, that it is hard to break down to a home version. I will at least give you this tip now: Vodka added to any tomato based sauce will improve it. Vodka neutralizes the acid in the tomatoes. Just had a 1/4 of a cup of vodka to any tomato based pasta sauce and it will be great. Traditional vodka sauce has both vodka and cream it in. But Vodka alone is a magic ingredient. I’ll get multiple versions to you later.
Then others of you asked why rosemary was my least favorite herb. In college my landlady, Barbara Keeling (she’s on the recipe testing list and is a fabulous cook!), grew a bunch of herbs in the 4 x 4 yard in front of her brownstone in DC. I lived in the basement apartment: 16 4th Street NE. We were right behind the Supreme Court. I loved it. I walked by the Capitol, Library of Congress, and Folger Shakespeare Library everyday. Anyway, basil, parsley, thyme, etc. were good in the summer. But the only thing that grew really well all year round was the rosemary. I put it in EVERYTHING: Steak, potatoes, bread, chicken, everything! So I burned out on it and now have an aversion to it in food. Although, I don’t mind smelling it in the yard or in soap or anything like that. I just don’t like it with food, except in the rarest of cases. And one of my biggest restaurant pet peeves is when someone puts a giant sprig of rosemary on the steak or chicken. I think garnishes should be edible and enhance what you are eating. They should not be just for decoration. But that is my own personal opinion.
Also, there were enormous responses to the Pimiento Cheese Sandwich e-mail. It struck a chord with so many people including my own mother! I had no idea until I sent it, that Pimiento Cheese Sandwiches were my mom’s favorite sandwiches that my grandmother made when she was little. So I accidentally learned something about my own family. I also didn’t know about the Master’s or the “Southern Pate.” I thought all of you might be interested too, so I asked permission from the people who responded below and they said I could share. I never do this, but in this case I thought I would. I pasted the responses below the recipe.
I’m working on a sausage and apple recipe right now. Quick and easy. I promise to wait at least a week before sending another recipe testing e-mail. When I printed up all the “lost” e-mails that were forwarded back to me, I realized I used to go months without writing. Then with Jeanette I started writing much more frequently. (Please continue to pray for our sweet Jeanette even though she is doing well. She did have a fever and then a staph infection this week, but she should be coming home within a day or two after her most recent chemo treatment is complete.) Temporarily losing my e-mail was the greatest mistake I ever made because I now have them printed all in one giant three ring binder and am so grateful to have them in one place. (I’m also so grateful to the people who save them on their computers if I ever lose this notebook or lose them again!)
Truly not trying to overflow your inboxes by writing again so soon!
With Gratitude,
Maili
PS My neighbors in Atlanta, David and Lizette Evans are also great cooks. Lizette makes the best Green Bean Bundles (wrapped in bacon and drizzled with brown sugar and butter) I would eat half the pan of them! David is a natural cook and cooks everything well. He’s also great at mixing drinks. We often had dinner parties and Lizette would be the hostess for me in my own house just so I could stay in the kitchen and cook. Lizette would answer the door and welcome everyone and David would make all the drinks. They were the best neighbors. David mentioned in the response below reading Gumbo Tales, so I ordered it from Amazon. Lizette is from New Orleans, so the book is especially meaningful to them.
From: Linda Ray
Sent: Monday, March 16, 2009 8:34 AM
To: Maili Halme Brocke
Subject: Surprise!!
Maili,
Since you coveted this recipe, I decided to call and get it for you for a treat!
After all, you share so much with all of us.
I talked with Mr. Young, who is the Banquet Director at the Kerrville First United Methodist Church…very nice man.
He has a catering business and also touted his chicken salad.
But, he makes all of the food for the events at the church.
So, Happy Spring………enjoy!
Linda A. Ray
From: Darrell Young
Sent: Monday, March 16, 2009 10:18 AM
To: Linda Ray
Subject: pimento cheese recipe
Darrell Young’s Pimento Cheese Recipe
Ingredients
2 cup grated sharp cheddar
2 cup grated Monterey Jack
1/2 cup mayonnaise
1/2 salad dressing
2 to 3 tablespoons Smoked red bell pepper diced
1 teaspoon Sautéed onion
Cracked black pepper
Directions:
Using an electric mixer, Add all of the ingredients and beat until well blended. It can be used as a dip for crudités or as a sandwich filling
Then pasted below are a few of the responses that I had permission to share:
Maili
Jason's tribute to his mother was sweet and I'm sure very hard. Carl's situation was so identical. Same thing with Carl's dad he had tons of pictures of us and saved everything we had ever sent him. In fact when Carl and his brother went to close his dad's bank accounts the bank person had a picture of Carl and his brother on this bullentin board of all his clients kids and friends..isn't that funny.. In his dad's mind the boys were this huge part of his life and Carl talked to him maybe twice a year...oh well...cycle of life and its challenges..
The shooter thing is just out there for such a sleepy small community. We didn't know him or any of the victims but just unnerving for my mom. She said you see this on tv happening other places and you have compassion for the people going through it but you really don't think about it much past that until it happens where you live..my mother dreads all the gossip that is going to come from it all...
Love the pimento chesse comment...just so you known we consider it souther pate'...ha!
Love you..Monica
Hi, beautiful! Your story touched and blessed me today – thank you. I’ve been reading Gumbo Tales and your story below is similar to the basis of the book; life, death and how food impacts us if we only pay attention to it. I, too believe, that food binds us as families, a community and as humans. I’ve learned this from my Mother, Grandmother and Aunts. It’s a warming and wonderful feeling to know that regardless of what’s happening in our individual lives, whether turmoil or happiness, whether success or challenges, we can all be brought together over pimiento cheese or a po-boy sandwich.
I love you, Maili, and I love your heart. A friend once told me that “it’s important to say true things”. You are a wonderful mother, wife and friend. God’s blessings on you this day, and always.
David Evans
Maili,
Thanks for the email and update on the funeral.
I wanted to remind you, if you are not aware, of the great pimiento cheese sandwich tradition at the Masters. For the past 75 years, when they hold the Masters golf tournament in Augusta, GA in April, one of the most popular items on the menu for the patrons is the pimiento cheese sandwich. Oblivious to inflation and the times, you can still get a pimiento cheese sandwich for something around a dollar. It is nothing special...two pieces of white bread with a pimiento cheese spread, but as everyone says.....you can't go to the Masters and not have a pimiento cheese sandwich.
Thought you would enjoy this little tidbit of food history.
Scott
Maili,
That just plain old WAS funny! I can see you and Jason turning to look at each other with wide eyes right now!!! I am glad nothing was spilled! Thanks for sharing all, and for the pimento cheese sandwiches! I loved them when I was a little girl, course we just bought pimento cheese spread in a container.. do they even sell that anywhere?
love,
Amy
Maili,
Have you ever considered printing out your letters to save as documentation of your life? What a treasure for your girls and their children to have. These should be compiled and treasured.
K
Thank you for sharing this.
I can see how you grow experience by experience.
You always learn from every experience and you always see both sides and always find a silver lining. Y
ou continue to amaze and to teach me.
Daily.
I could so picture the box of ashes in the trunk.
And it so feeling like a sitcom on tv.
And the humor!
You have memories of circumstances that continue to build a beautiful relationship and strengthening a wonderful marriage.
You are building memories to teach your girls what no one else will ever have even imagined.
Maili-- you are living a very special, amazing and fulfilling life.
But I think that you know it.
Thanks for sharing it all with me/us so that I/we can live it vicariously.
love you
Carol C. Sawyer
All I can say is: I laughed and not because I thought the situation was funny, it was because life is just funny-you said it best, sometimes when you should be crying there comes laughter..... and you know what?? for all the bad stuff I have been through (we shall catch up later) I am proud to say that I can still laugh because sometimes it just makes you feel better and that is okay!
give Jason my best, I hate saying I know how you feel, but I know how he feels...
loss is loss... no matter how much someone was in our everyday lives... it's like old friends-you might not see them or talk to them everyday but you always love them in your hearts, think of them from time to time and will miss them fondly when they are gone.
I will call you tomorrow-hopefully we can chat.
I will definitely try the recipe!
Sue
Thanks, Maili, for the update. I hope you’re saving copies of these emails you send out. They are written reflections on people and crusades important to you, i.e. Jeanette, the library, Jason’s Mom, etc. and would make a wonderful journal to look back on and share with the girls someday.
Blessings and love,
Cheryl
You write so beautifully and clearly, Maili. And your words inspire such vivid scenes in my mind. My mother (being from the South, I guess, although when I was young I didn't know it was a Southern thang) used to make pimiento cheese sandwiches. I have to admit I never did like them much, but she did and lots of her friends did as well. (I never did get a taste for black-eye peas either, but give me her fried chicken any day!)
I'm so glad you all made it through this trip OK. And I loved the ashes story. It reminded me of the Ben Stiller movie where the porcelain jar of ashes got knocked off the fireplace mantle. If we can't laugh about some of life's ironies and mishaps, then it gets too intense. My sister thought this was a little gross, but the funeral home where my father was cremated offered heart necklaces where they place a tiny portion of ashes. I bought one because at that time I just wanted to know a piece of my dad was near me. Then we had to transport his ashes from Sacramento to San Diego to be buried with my mom and it was tricky dealing with the airlines about that. But we made it. I had to open up the container, go inside, and remove the metal strip that was holding the bag together so that it wouldn't set off the TSA alarm.
The thing is people never used to talk about any of this and I think it's much healthier to talk about it because everyone is going to have to go through it at some point.
So thanks for the stories. Keep 'em coming.
Love you,
Christie
Maili,
Don’t worry about not seeing me again. I knew Jason needed you all to himself, and rightly so. This colorful family history does explain some things. How strange it has created closure for the spirit, while at the same time, opening of the eyes. I especially loved your mention of the church ladies. This practice is alive and well in my childhood Presbyterian church today. When my grandmother died in Ft. Payne, AL several years ago, we were served lunch at the church by generous, apron wearing ladies such as these. A bounty of steaming casseroles and mounds of warm rolls followed by fruit salad topped with marshmallows filled the modest table. A decadent selection of homemade pie slices adorned another. The iced sweet tea was homemade too, of course. The ladies were endlessly bustling about fussing with refilling glasses, passing the bread basket or offering a simple story or compliment of my grandmother. This was Southern hospitality at its best. It was simple, humble and deeply sincere. I have been lucky and proud to participate is this ritual several times, never tiring of its warm fellowship. Pimento cheese, tuna salad and egg salad sandwiches will always remind me of the potluck suppers or funeral fare shared in that Presbyterian church.
Keep the stories coming. They are a pleasure to read. You are a gifted writer who speaks from the heart with honesty.
Love,
Kathryn
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