Afraid to Speak

"They're certainly entitled to think that, and they're entitled to full respect for their opinions... but before I can live with other folks I've got to live with myself. The one thing that doesn't abide by majority rule is a person's conscience. " ~Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird, Chapter 11, spoken by the character Atticus

"I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It's when you know you're licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what. You rarely win, but sometimes you do." ~Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird, Chapter 11, spoken by the character Atticus

Dear Recipe Testers,

Every dream I could ever hope to have is in the process of coming true. The process and the journey are amazing and in their own way gifts of learning and knowledge in themselves. I have more than enough hobbies and interests to fill 48 hours instead of 24. Often I have to chose between many favorite things because I can't do everything at once. 99% of what I do on a day to day basis is positive: every element whether it is writing, teaching, learning, creating, celebrating or giving is a true joy!

The one "negative" thing in my life has been the library battle. It has been a long hard battle. I never imagined that it would take a year and a half of my life. I still feel guilty that while Jeanette was living I went 2 months without even visiting her because the library battle was so consuming. I remember when Rosemary called and Jeanette thought she had offended me and that I was mad at her. I still feel badly about that.

I will not write the long and complicated battle here. But I will say this: There is NO WAY I would have spent an ounce of time on the library it if the injustice wasn't so deep and wrong that it still makes me blood-boiling mad in the middle of the night. I honestly believed when i discovered the lies, that I would stand up and tell the truth and all would be solved. The library was NOT a victim of the economy. It was fraud. We have videotaped the meetings, we were denied public records requests, and we have documented all of the fraud. And yet the battle goes on.

This October was insanely busy for me both with work and with my personal life. On Tuesday, the 19 and 21st I was teaching cooking classes at our friends Tracey and Shaun Cassidy's and therefore could not go to some major library meetings. Shaun is going to be on Oprah soon and so the tv crews had to film at their house on Tuesday so the cooking classes had to postponed at the last minute. If anything, you know I need a break and that having a class postponed would be a welcome night of quiet at home. It would have been incredible to have a night off, but I took it as a sign from God that I was supposed to go to the library meetings and again speak against this injustice. I was proofreading a letter from our library justice team to the judge and the letter had me so upset again from all of the details that I was only able to get two hours of sleep because the whole thing keeps me up all night. Then I went to the meeting again and was so angered that I again stayed up most of that night tossing and turning and wondering why it is so truly hard for the truth to get out.

The next morning, exhausted, I really thought about reconsidering. The library battle takes a true toll on my health and emotions. Then I went to Katherine's school for the parent-child luncheon. (For those of you who may be confused, Melissa is homeschooled and Katherine is in public school.) I was walking by one of the classrooms and there was a poster from The Museum of Tolerance that said "The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who in times of great moral crisis, maintain their neutrality." Dante. It was very powerful, especially if you could see all the symbols on it that made me cry thinking of those battles previously fought. But also, since I was tired and emotionally drained and ready to give up it was just the kick I needed to remember that I can't give up.

Completely exhausted, I went to bed at 6:50 PM last night. and finally slept. I woke up just before 5:00 AM knowing that I need to go and speak again for the library tonight.

But I want to say one last thing about the positive things that have come from this battle and about the good that has occured. This letter below if from Patti. Patti is painfully shy and very very quiet. When I first met her she was in tears and said that I had to speak for her because she was afraid to speak and couldn't do it. I had many people write to me, young and old with those similar words basically thanking me for saying what they could not say and for representing them. But something extraordinary happened with Patti: after a year into the battle she found the courage to speak. I remember the first time she spoke at city council her voice was shaking so much and she was so quiet that you couldn't even understand her. Yet it was Patti who found the original lease and Patti who dug up major legal documents and Patti who kept researching and fighting. And Patti had more to lose than any of us because Patti works for the County Library system. So while all the employees were given gag orders and told what they could and could not say, Patti went against those orders and her own deep fear of speaking and spoke.

On the night of of the anniversary of Jeanette's death I was receiving text messages from the library meeting on how things were going. They wrote to me about Patti and I wrote to congratulate her and tell her how proud I was of her and below in blue is the reponse from Patti.

....I am humbled Maili; funny how things evolve...as we prod along,
someone speaks here, another does this; anger builds, while frustration
mounts; but then a breath of fresh air appears (you, Maili). A sense of
unity prevails, power is restored, communication's our perfect tool;
someone rises, who rallies another; Even big setbacks, don't diminish
our small victories. ~ But some are drowning~needing relief; some just
fade away, a few give up. Collectively, we lay low to gather steam; then
a random chain of events emerges ~ something happening over there,
crosses over here; previous actions are revisited, distant possibilities
reappear. Powerful bodies make choices. Faith is restored.
We are thankful. We have reached another level...
Indeed Maili, as you so perfectly mentioned...we are this wonderful
team, this relay team, passing the torch, continually in motion ~ May we
always remain vigilant, respectful, passionate, and accomplished. I am
genuinely grateful to all of you, for all of you.

warm hugs,

Patti

Even though we have been silenced in every possible way, I am trying to believe in my heart that somehow in the end justice will be done and the truth will be known. And no matter what the outcome of this jumbled and motley band of warriors, we all found our voices. We all did things that we didn't think we could do. And we all stood up for the truth.

Maili

UNDERSTANDING

UNDERSTANDING

March 3, 2009

My husband’s biological mother, Judy Brocke, passed away an hour ago in Texas. She had brain cancer and we knew she was dying for sometime. We all went to see her in January to say goodbye.

It was a unique relationship because she didn’t raise Jason. I first met her when she came to Jason’s graduation from West Point. I had only known him six weeks. Because I love and adore my husband it was so hard for me to imagine how a mother could leave her son. She left him at kindergarten and didn’t come back. It seemed impossible to think of, but I knew he had a better life being raised by his father, Jim, and mother, Marianne (in their family they never use the word step-mother because Marianne became Jason’s mother and Jonathan and Jennifer became his brother and sister. Jonathan and Jennifer are Jason’s favorite gifts from his father’s marriage to Marianne. Those three siblings are incredibly close.)

Judy was always like a very distant relative. We didn’t really see her. We kept in closer touch with her sister, Aunt Diana. There were times, years even when we were inHawaii, when we didn’t know where Judy was.

Judy had a lot of challenges in her life. But as she neared 60 she truly did try to turn her life around. And seemed to be on the right track with a new job and new life.

She had never met our girls. We spend all of our holidays, birthdays, etc. between my parents in California and Jason’s parents in Indiana. When my girls were in first and second grade we bought Judy a plane ticket to fly out for her birthday to meet the girls for the first time. The second time she my girls (now 10 and 11) was in January inTexas. But she did send the girls cards and so they felt like there was just another person out there that loved them.

For me, I think I got angrier with her after I had children. Being a parent is really hard. I felt like if I was making sacrifices in my life for my kids that she should have made for Jason. I felt like I made some of the hardest decisions of putting my kids before my career and gave up a lot of things to devote my time to my children. Of course, the gift I thought I was giving to them, turned out to be a gift to me instead. I can’t believe my baby is 10 and that I only have a few short years with my girls before they are gone. I can’t seem to spend enough time with them. So while I love and appreciate my kids more by the minute, I got angrier with Judy for not making those changes in her own life for Jason and for herself. And then I got frustrated with her being needy of Jason and both of us as she got older. I already feel overwhelmed sometimes in my personal life with all the relatives we have and all the birthdays and things we attend. I barely have time to talk to my own mother as much as I want to with our busy homeschooling lives, so I certainly didn’t have time to talk to Judy.

Judy started calling Jason more when she found out she had brain cancer two years ago. But I must point out again, that she made some decisions to turn her life around before she got the cancer. She was already in a much better place when she got the lung cancer that turned to brain cancer. So I feel happy that she overcame the challenges of her past and was making a brighter life for herself.

Near the end Jason has been very dutiful. He has called her everyday. He took over all the responsibility for all of the bills and details of everything at this stage of her life. He’s had some long talks with Aunt Diana. When you are a child whose parent left, you always wonder if the decision was selfless or selfish. Almost every parent who gives an infant up for adoption is generally acting selflessly out of the best interest of the child. They know they can’t take care of the child from the minute they are pregnant and plan for an adoption. They end up giving the child and the new parents an incredible gift. In this situation, Jason was five. So there was the wonder if Judy left him out of kindness or selfishness. Jason had a long talk with Diana last week. Diana said that at the time Judy left Jason she wasn’t able to take care of herself. So it would have been impossible for her to care for a child. When years had passed and Judy was getting to a place where she might possibly be able to care for Jason, she knew Jason had a wonderful life in Indiana with his parents and it would be selfish of her to try to take him back or share custody.

Later in life, Judy was lonely and missed Jason. So in the end, this sweet and dear boy, can know that his mother did love him to the best of her ability. She loved him with the greatest capacity that she had. She struggled with loving herself for so long that there wasn’t a lot left for Jason. She was very proud of him.

Through this Jason has done the right thing, but he hadn’t cried about what was happening. He’s felt badly for Judy and he has been dutiful. We planned beforehand that the girls and I would go see Judy in January while she was still living. Then when she died we planned that Jason’s father would fly down fromIndiana and meet Jason inTexas for the memorial there. Then Jason will bring her ashes back to California and we will distribute her ashes here because she said she wanted to be near us. When Aunt Diana found out Jim was planning to come with Jason to the memorial she said “You’re father was always a good man.” It was these words about Jason’s father that made Jason cry. It was these words that took him fifteen minutes just to tell me. Because in the end, giving birth doesn’t make someone a parent: A parent is someone who is there and who goes to all the games and helps you with your homework and makes sure you have a cake on your birthday. Parents are there. And Jason’s Dad was always there for him and that’s what made him cry. And his mother Marianne was always there for him. And they have always been there for my girls too. When Marianne’s father, Coach, first met Melissa he said “Now my life is complete, I have a great-granddaughter.” There is no blood relationship between Coach and Melissa, but he was as proud as any great-grandparent could ever be. That’s how much love Jason was given from Marianne’s entire extended family. So Judy gave Jason the better life letting him be surrounded by all of those people who loved him.

I feel like I made my peace with Judy. I gave up my anger because it was pointless. I understand that she did the best that she could do. That she loved Jason as much as she could possibly love someone, but that taking care of him wasn’t where her strength was. I saw Jason do everything he could for her. I admire her sisters for taking care of her round the clock at the end of her life. I admire the grandparents, 87 and 88, who took care of Judy for the last three months. I am glad that she died surrounded by people who loved her. I am glad she gave birth to my husband so that I could marry him. I will be eternally grateful for that. And I’m glad she let him have a better life than she could have given him. I am glad she found peace and happiness at the end of her life.

Peace be with all of you,

Maili

Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;

where there is hatred, let me sow love;

where there is injury, pardon;

where there is doubt, faith;

where there is despair, hope;

where there is darkness, light;

and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,

grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;

to be understood, as to understand;

to be loved, as to love;

for it is in giving that we receive,

it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

Pimiento Cheese, Barbecue, Lobster Raviolis and AMAZING GRACE

March 10, 2009

Recipe Testers,

We ignored our pre-made plan and I went to the funeral with Jason. Logic and practicality work on paper when you are making plans, but then reality happens and intuition and emotion far outweigh logic and practicality. My mom came and watched the girls.

Jason spoke very well. I cried for him as he spoke because the words were so hard to say. But after some painful pauses he finished and gave a beautiful tribute. There were 20 people at the funeral, plus 8 church members who help with all the funerals. Without going into long detail, this will kind of sum up the fighting and challenges in the family: There were two memorials. The first at 11:00 and other at 3:00. Jason’s biological grandmother is bi-polar and her moods and emotions contribute to the further understanding of Judy and the problems she faced. We all have to cope with a few curve balls in our lives that affect everyone. The grandmother has a disease and a weakness she cannot help and I’m certain she never intentionally planned to hurt her daughter. Jason’s only purpose in this entire memorial was to make everyone happy. He tried to choose a time to accommodate the variety of schedules including considering the minister’s schedule. But when someone has a mental illness, making everyone happy is pretty much impossible. The minister was wonderful and was such a huge comfort to Jason and said “I’ve known your grandmother a long time.” With those simple words came an enormous volume of understanding. And he said, “If it’s alright with you, I think we’re just going to have to have two services.” The 8 church members went to both of them, including the woman who sang the beautiful hymns at both services who also said to us with complete understanding “We all know your grandmother.” It was such a kindness that these people from the church just smoothed everything over and went forward like having two services was completely normal. Truly, it was so kind and generous of them.

There was a woman from the church named Sunshine Spivey. When the minister first called on Sunshine to come and speak, I thought it was her nickname. But Sunshine is her real name. And she came up and spoke and said something true and sweet about Judy. It’s important to say true things. When you say things that are insincere just to say them, they have no meaning. But Sunshine spoke sweetly and honestly. I adored this woman for her kindness and compassion. She fit her name.

After the memorial we went into the reception hall and the ladies from the church had made punch, pimiento cheese sandwiches and cookies. The pimento cheese sandwiches are comfort food in the South for those of you who haven’t heard of them. And this was homemade pimiento cheese. Someone had grated the cheese by hand and made the mixture and had handmade all the sandwiches. Someone else bought cookies from the store and someone else made oatmeal cookies. The oatmeal cookies that were homemade didn’t look particularly appealing, but when you tasted them they were wonderful. I’ll take taste over looks any day of the week.


I wrote in an earlier e-mail how food is interwoven through all of our lives. It is part of birth and death, weddings, birthdays and celebrations. It is the common part of our daily lives and part of moments we will never forget. So if you think it is odd that I’m writing about food and a funeral at the same time, it is because I see life through “food-colored glasses” instead of “rose-colored glasses.” It is all interlaced for me. And food is comforting in times of sorrow. It is a way of being in communion with the other people who are feeling similarly to you.


After the memorial service Jason wanted to eat somewhere local. He didn’t want to go to a chain restaurant. So we went with some of the relatives to look for a place to eat. We drove up to this building that must have formerly been a small bank in the 1960’s. Nothing had been done to change the outside of the bank. The drive-through teller lanes were still there and it looked like the only outside remodeling that had been done was to hang up a sign that said Valentino’s Italian Café. In fact, from the outside appearance I would have thought it was an empty building. The only give-away that it was open was that there were cars outside.

So we walked in and it smelled wonderful. Two ladies from the church were there. I could see big pots on the stove. Someone was definitely making something from scratch. It looked like a pizza place, but when we got the menu they had veal and lobster and some terrific choices. So I ordered the Lobster Ravioli. Texas is known for their seafood in Houston and Dallas, specifically the incredible fried oysters, but Jason wasn’t so sure about lobster in Kerrville. I thought I’d take a gamble because I could see the kitchen from where I sat and everything coming up in the window looked great. Jason ordered the veal piccata, I ordered the lobster raviolis, his dad had the baked ziti, the other relatives ordered calzone’s, lasagna, and pizza. The restaurant had great bread and rolls and salad with fresh tomato vinaigrette. The lobster raviolis came out and it was indeed lobster in them and it was real lobster sauce. The lobster sauce had a lot of clams in it, but I love clams and thought they added to the sauce. (I know clams are a cheap substitute instead of putting the lobster meat in the sauce, but truly the clams in it were delicious.) So D- on appearance, but a solid B+ on the food. Again, the cliché “you can’t always judge a book by its cover” rings true again. We thought of Judy and talked about family and life as we ate together and visited in a local restaurant from her town.

Then I don’t know if I should write the next part because it might not sound right in writing. It may be better to explain verbally, but I’m going to try my best. You know how laughing and crying are related to each other? For instance when you laugh so hard sometimes you start crying. Or the opposite of if you cry so hard that and are so emotional that almost anything can make you laugh? So this is one of those times. Not really something to laugh at, but it was such an emotional day that it unintentionally ended up being funny. We had Judy’s ashes with us the whole time we were in Texas. It wasn’t uncomfortable. It did seem surreal at times, but at other times it seemed nice that she was with us. In fact, the aunt took Judy’s ashes with her to the yard-sales because she said Judy loved yard sales. So it wasn’t awkward, just not the kind of thing you commonly carry around with you in the car. We had the box of ashes propped up in the trunk so they wouldn’t fall. But then we went to the hotel and took our suitcases out and went to go through all the paperwork in the hotel room. (A sweet thing I will mention at this point was that when we were going through all the paperwork it turned out she had saved every card Jason had ever written to her.) So after all the paperwork we got in the car and forgot temporarily that Judy’s ashes were in the trunk. We were driving to dinner and turned a corner and we heard this big thud. And both of us looked at each other and thought the ashes had just fallen over and spilled all over the trunk. So Jason pulled over and checked and fortunately the ashes were still in the box with the lid on and it was the computer that had fallen over. We were relieved, but after we knew they didn’t actually spill, it was funny in that sad/happy emotional way.

We went down to San Antonio and ate dinner on the River Walk. We ate fabulous Texas barbecue and had a loaf of freshly baked bread with honey butter, brisket, ribs, beans, the works. It was just Jason and I. Then we walked along the River Walk after dinner and talked about Judy and the ups and downs of her life and again kept saying how we were glad that she found peace and happiness at the end.


So to honor the kind and giving women of the church and to honor Judy, I’m including a recipe for Pimento Cheese. I wasn’t able to get the homemade version of the recipe from the church, but from tasting it, I think it is very similar to this one from my favorite Southern Chef, Frank Stitt. You can eat it on saltine crackers or you can make sandwiches.


Miss Verba’s Pimiento Cheese

Whenever Verba has the urge, she will make a huge bowl of the best pimiento cheese you have ever tasted. Little drugstore lunch counters throughout the South inevitably include pimiento cheese sandwiches on their menus as an economical option. But the cheese is usually the commercially prepared variety, of indifferent quality. Making your own, as Verba does, with lots of charred roasted peppers, gives the spread a whole new life. It is perfect for a light sandwich or as a down-home dip for crudités and crackers.

1 pound sharp yellow cheddar
1/4 pound cream cheese, softened
1 teaspoon freshly ground pepper
3 large bell peppers, roasted, peeled, seeded and chopped
1/2 cup mayonnaise
1 teaspoon sugar
Splash of hot sauce, such as Tabasco or Cholula
1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper (optional)

Grate the cheddar cheese in a food processor fitted with the grating disk or grate with a hand grater. Transfer the grated cheese to a bowl, add the cream cheese, pepper, bell peppers, mayonnaise, sugar, hot sauce and cayenne. Blend all together thoroughly. Refrigerate and serve chilled. (This spread will keep for several days in the refrigerator, but it usually disappears long before that.)

Frank Stitt’s Southern Table, pg. 32.

I’ll end with the hymn that Judy chose for the memorial that truly fits her and her life.

And amazing grace, peace and understanding to all of you. Maili

"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,That saved a wretch like me....I once was lost but now am found,Was blind, but now, I see.T'was Grace that taught...my heart to fear.And Grace, my fears relieved.How precious did that Grace appear...the hour I first believed.Through many dangers, toils and snares...we have already come.T'was Grace that brought us safe thus far...and Grace will lead us home.
The Lord has promised good to me...His word my hope secures.He will my shield and portion be...as long as life endures.When we've been here ten thousand years...bright shining as the sun.We've no less days to sing God's praise...then when we've first begun."Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, That saved a wretch like me....I once was lost but now am found,Was blind, but now, I see."

March 16, 2009 Recipe Testing email sent out after the above two emails were sent.

Recipe Testers,

I just had to pass this on. I don’t believe I even mentioned the name of the church where the funeral was in Kerrville. So you can imagine how truly surprised I was when Linda Ray from Houston did a little sleuthing and send me the recipe. It is pasted below.

Also, a number of you asked for my Vodka Sauce recipe after reading my pantry list. I will earnestly try to test that within the next month because everyone always asks for it. I just make such an enormous batch and then freeze it, that it is hard to break down to a home version. I will at least give you this tip now: Vodka added to any tomato based sauce will improve it. Vodka neutralizes the acid in the tomatoes. Just had a 1/4 of a cup of vodka to any tomato based pasta sauce and it will be great. Traditional vodka sauce has both vodka and cream it in. But Vodka alone is a magic ingredient. I’ll get multiple versions to you later.

Then others of you asked why rosemary was my least favorite herb. In college my landlady, Barbara Keeling (she’s on the recipe testing list and is a fabulous cook!), grew a bunch of herbs in the 4 x 4 yard in front of her brownstone in DC. I lived in the basement apartment: 16 4^th Street NE. We were right behind the Supreme Court. I loved it. I walked by the Capitol, Library of Congress, and Folger Shakespeare Library everyday. Anyway, basil, parsley, thyme, etc. were good in the summer. But the only thing that grew really well all year round was the rosemary. I put it in EVERYTHING: Steak, potatoes, bread, chicken, everything! So I burned out on it and now have an aversion to it in food. Although, I don’t mind smelling it in the yard or in soap or anything like that. I just don’t like it with food, except in the rarest of cases. And one of my biggest restaurant pet peeves is when someone puts a giant sprig of rosemary on the steak or chicken. I think garnishes should be edible and enhance what you are eating. They should not be just for decoration. But that is my own personal opinion.

Also, there were enormous responses to the Pimiento Cheese Sandwich e-mail. It struck a chord with so many people including my own mother! I had no idea until I sent it, that Pimiento Cheese Sandwiches were my mom’s favorite sandwiches that my grandmother made when she was little. So I accidentally learned something about my own family. I also didn’t know about the Master’s or the “Southern Pate.” I thought all of you might be interested too, so I asked permission from the people who responded below and they said I could share. I never do this, but in this case I thought I would. I pasted the responses below the recipe.

I’m working on a sausage and apple recipe right now. Quick and easy. I promise to wait at least a week before sending another recipe testing e-mail. When I printed up all the “lost” e-mails that were forwarded back to me, I realized I used to go months without writing. Then with Jeanette I started writing much more frequently. (Please continue to pray for our sweet Jeanette even though she is doing well. She did have a fever and then a staph infection this week, but she should be coming home within a day or two after her most recent chemo treatment is complete.) Temporarily losing my e-mail was the greatest mistake I ever made because I now have them printed all in one giant three ring binder and am so grateful to have them in one place. (I’m also so grateful to the people who save them on their computers if I ever lose this notebook or lose them again!)

Truly not trying to overflow your inboxes by writing again so soon!

With Gratitude,

Maili

PS My neighbors in Atlanta, David and Lizette Evans are also great cooks. Lizette makes the best Green Bean Bundles (wrapped in bacon and drizzled with brown sugar and butter) I would eat half the pan of them! David is a natural cook and cooks everything well. He’s also great at mixing drinks. We often had dinner parties and Lizette would be the hostess for me in my own house just so I could stay in the kitchen and cook. Lizette would answer the door and welcome everyone and David would make all the drinks. They were the best neighbors. David mentioned in the response below reading Gumbo Tales, so I ordered it from Amazon. Lizette is from New Orleans, so the book is especially meaningful to them.

From: Linda Ray

Sent: Monday, March 16, 2009 8:34 AM

To: Maili Halme Brocke

Subject: Surprise!!

Maili,

Since you coveted this recipe, I decided to call and get it for you for a treat!

After all, you share so much with all of us.

I talked with Mr. Young, who is the Banquet Director at the Kerrville First United Methodist Church…very nice man.

He has a catering business and also touted his chicken salad.

But, he makes all of the food for the events at the church.

So, Happy Spring………enjoy!

Linda A. Ray

From: Darrell Young

Sent: Monday, March 16, 2009 10:18 AM

To: Linda Ray

Subject: pimento cheese recipe

Darrell Young’s Pimento Cheese Recipe

Ingredients

2 cup grated sharp cheddar

2 cup grated Monterey Jack

1/2 cup mayonnaise

1/2 salad dressing

2 to 3 tablespoons Smoked red bell pepper diced

1 teaspoon Sautéed onion

Cracked black pepper

Directions:

Using an electric mixer, Add all of the ingredients and beat until well blended. It can be used as a dip for crudités or as a sandwich filling

Then pasted below are a few of the responses that I had permission to share:

Maili

Jason's tribute to his mother was sweet and I'm sure very hard. Carl's situation was so identical. Same thing with Carl's dad he had tons of pictures of us and saved everything we had ever sent him. In fact when Carl and his brother went to close his dad's bank accounts the bank person had a picture of Carl and his brother on this bullentin board of all his clients kids and friends..isn't that funny.. In his dad's mind the boys were this huge part of his life and Carl talked to him maybe twice a year...oh well...cycle of life and its challenges..

The shooter thing is just out there for such a sleepy small community. We didn't know him or any of the victims but just unnerving for my mom. She said you see this on tv happening other places and you have compassion for the people going through it but you really don't think about it much past that until it happens where you live..my mother dreads all the gossip that is going to come from it all...

Love the pimento chesse comment...just so you known we consider it souther pate'...ha!

Love you..Monica

Hi, beautiful! Your story touched and blessed me today – thank you. I’ve been reading Gumbo Tales and your story below is similar to the basis of the book; life, death and how food impacts us if we only pay attention to it. I, too believe, that food binds us as families, a community and as humans. I’ve learned this from my Mother, Grandmother and Aunts. It’s a warming and wonderful feeling to know that regardless of what’s happening in our individual lives, whether turmoil or happiness, whether success or challenges, we can all be brought together over pimiento cheese or a po-boy sandwich.

I love you, Maili, and I love your heart. A friend once told me that “it’s important to say true things”. You are a wonderful mother, wife and friend. God’s blessings on you this day, and always.

David Evans

Maili,

Thanks for the email and update on the funeral.

I wanted to remind you, if you are not aware, of the great pimiento cheese sandwich tradition at the Masters. For the past 75 years, when they hold the Masters golf tournament in Augusta, GA in April, one of the most popular items on the menu for the patrons is the pimiento cheese sandwich. Oblivious to inflation and the times, you can still get a pimiento cheese sandwich for something around a dollar. It is nothing special...two pieces of white bread with a pimiento cheese spread, but as everyone says.....you can't go to the Masters and not have a pimiento cheese sandwich.

Thought you would enjoy this little tidbit of food history.

Scott

Maili,

That just plain old WAS funny! I can see you and Jason turning to look at each other with wide eyes right now!!! I am glad nothing was spilled! Thanks for sharing all, and for the pimento cheese sandwiches! I loved them when I was a little girl, course we just bought pimento cheese spread in a container.. do they even sell that anywhere?

love,

Amy

Maili,

Have you ever considered printing out your letters to save as documentation of your life? What a treasure for your girls and their children to have. These should be compiled and treasured.

K

Thank you for sharing this.

I can see how you grow experience by experience.

You always learn from every experience and you always see both sides and always find a silver lining. Y

ou continue to amaze and to teach me.

Daily.

I could so picture the box of ashes in the trunk.

And it so feeling like a sitcom on tv.

And the humor!

You have memories of circumstances that continue to build a beautiful relationship and strengthening a wonderful marriage.

You are building memories to teach your girls what no one else will ever have even imagined.

Maili-- you are living a very special, amazing and fulfilling life.

But I think that you know it.

Thanks for sharing it all with me/us so that I/we can live it vicariously.

love you

Carol C. Sawyer

All I can say is: I laughed and not because I thought the situation was funny, it was because life is just funny-you said it best, sometimes when you should be crying there comes laughter..... and you know what?? for all the bad stuff I have been through (we shall catch up later) I am proud to say that I can still laugh because sometimes it just makes you feel better and that is okay!

give Jason my best, I hate saying I know how you feel, but I know how he feels...

loss is loss... no matter how much someone was in our everyday lives... it's like old friends-you might not see them or talk to them everyday but you always love them in your hearts, think of them from time to time and will miss them fondly when they are gone.

I will call you tomorrow-hopefully we can chat.

I will definitely try the recipe!

Sue

Thanks, Maili, for the update. I hope you’re saving copies of these emails you send out. They are written reflections on people and crusades important to you, i.e. Jeanette, the library, Jason’s Mom, etc. and would make a wonderful journal to look back on and share with the girls someday.

Blessings and love,

Cheryl

You write so beautifully and clearly, Maili. And your words inspire such vivid scenes in my mind. My mother (being from the South, I guess, although when I was young I didn't know it was a Southern thang) used to make pimiento cheese sandwiches. I have to admit I never did like them much, but she did and lots of her friends did as well. (I never did get a taste for black-eye peas either, but give me her fried chicken any day!)

I'm so glad you all made it through this trip OK. And I loved the ashes story. It reminded me of the Ben Stiller movie where the porcelain jar of ashes got knocked off the fireplace mantle. If we can't laugh about some of life's ironies and mishaps, then it gets too intense. My sister thought this was a little gross, but the funeral home where my father was cremated offered heart necklaces where they place a tiny portion of ashes. I bought one because at that time I just wanted to know a piece of my dad was near me. Then we had to transport his ashes from Sacramento to San Diego to be buried with my mom and it was tricky dealing with the airlines about that. But we made it. I had to open up the container, go inside, and remove the metal strip that was holding the bag together so that it wouldn't set off the TSA alarm.

The thing is people never used to talk about any of this and I think it's much healthier to talk about it because everyone is going to have to go through it at some point.

So thanks for the stories. Keep 'em coming.

Love you,

Christie

Maili,

Don’t worry about not seeing me again. I knew Jason needed you all to himself, and rightly so. This colorful family history does explain some things. How strange it has created closure for the spirit, while at the same time, opening of the eyes. I especially loved your mention of the church ladies. This practice is alive and well in my childhood Presbyterian church today. When my grandmother died in Ft. Payne, AL several years ago, we were served lunch at the church by generous, apron wearing ladies such as these. A bounty of steaming casseroles and mounds of warm rolls followed by fruit salad topped with marshmallows filled the modest table. A decadent selection of homemade pie slices adorned another. The iced sweet tea was homemade too, of course. The ladies were endlessly bustling about fussing with refilling glasses, passing the bread basket or offering a simple story or compliment of my grandmother. This was Southern hospitality at its best. It was simple, humble and deeply sincere. I have been lucky and proud to participate is this ritual several times, never tiring of its warm fellowship. Pimento cheese, tuna salad and egg salad sandwiches will always remind me of the potluck suppers or funeral fare shared in that Presbyterian church.

Keep the stories coming. They are a pleasure to read. You are a gifted writer who speaks from the heart with honesty.

Love,

Kathryn